22 hours, 1500 miles later, a few days in, cold showers and countless times of walking into random rooms to make friends, I am finally starting to adjust to a new life.
Adulting is straight up hard and it's so scary when you don't have a two hour drive home. Honestly, after I dropped my dad off at the Charlotte airport, I felt so terrified yet excited for what was to come. I couldn't wait to get back to Boone and make my dorm room look cute and I couldn't wait to make new friends. I did get back to my dorm room and I attempted to make my room look and feel homey, but since it's so humid here, and there is no AC in my building (huge bummer, I'm dealing with it though), nothing would stick to my walls. I felt defeated. I went to bed thinking that I had just made the biggest mistake of my life by moving to a new state where I didn't know a single soul. Sunday morning, I woke up and ventured out on my own to get more stuff for my room. I felt so alone running my errands and I called my mom crying, asking her to come out and get me. I didn't think that I was making the right choice for myself, I was so uncomfortable. My mom refused to come get me, so I sat in my car and I started praying. I knew that Jesus had something for me here, I just knew it. He wouldn't have sent me against my own will to CCR with my wyldlife girls to meet Olivia (she goes to App with me), and I knew that He had promises to fulfill here. But I didn't want to be here. So I sat and prayed and cried and asked Jesus for friends when I returned back to my dorm. I came back to being forced out of my room to go on a nature walk with all the girls on my floor. Reluctantly, I went. It turns out, it was the sweetness of the Lord alluring me into the wilderness (kind of) and speaking tenderly to me. (Hosea 2:14). After my rant at God in the car, something changed and I made friends with girls who love Jesus so much and have no interest in partying, but rather venture into the thickness of the Light and Truth. How cool is that?? I am beyond thankful for what the Lord is doing in my life and being away from home has made me realize so many things about myself that I didn't really want to face. So if you get a text or a call from me in the near future, answer it. I want to talk to you.
In my short time of being at App, I have walked up and down hills countless times being self conscious thinking I was the only person in the town sweating because of the humidity and it really concerned me. I am constantly feeling greasy and sweaty and when I said I wanted to come to App, I didn't really think about how humid it would be and how much I would struggle to adjust. But that's just the thing, I am having a hard time getting my physical self to adjust to the hills and humidity, but my emotional and spiritual self have never felt more at home.
During my senior year, I knew that God had promises for me, but I also didn't want any of it because I wanted to live a life that was pleasing to society's eye. I wanted to get endless amounts of likes on my instagram, I wanted to look perfect and wear brand name clothes (I admit, I still do, but not as much), I wanted to be popular. I wanted to live in the world. I didn't want anything to do with God, I didn't think He had much to offer me because He wasn't being the Goodness that He promised me. So for a year, I cared about what I looked like, I cared about my instagram likes, I cared about what brand I wore. But here, that's not what it's about for me. I have friends (hopefully) who from the moment I met them have been pointing me to the cross, who have unbecomingly encouraged me to look towards the cross. Who have made me reflect back on who I was in Colorado and realize that's not who I want to be.
Growing up in an era where social media is all the hype is hard. Instagram likes, Facebook comments, Twitter favorites, they seem like the whole world, but in reality, it's not. It's all superficial. In the past few weeks of posting on social media I have started to notice that I get more likes on pictures that don't talk about Christ openly vs. when I do, people don't really like them as much. I wonder why that is? I think it's because people are scared to really be unappealing to the world. That if we mention we love something other than status, we are no longer relevant. But here's what I have to say to that: it doesn't matter. Our relevance matters in the Lord's eyes and heart and not in society's eyes.
I am frustrated, because I think that young girls would be a lot less pressured to pretend to be someone they aren't on social media if the world was not constantly throwing stupid ideas right into their faces. Likes don't define who we are. Clothing doesn't define who we are. Our friends don't even define who we are. At the end of the day, no matter what choices we make, our heart is still going to be the same, even if we are covering it up. We have the capability to say no to what society wants from us and to start living a life we are proud of, not one where it gets likes.
I am not perfect, I lived in a world where I wanted millions of likes on my pictures, but if I have learned anything in the humidity and the hills and all the walks alone, is that that life no longer appeals to me. I want people to know my heart and I want people to see me as this authentic human being who makes mistakes, but has no shame because I know my Creator.
The sweetness of the Lord is real, y'all. And I am so encouraged by the girls that I have just met (now my friends) to be more genuine and vulnerable than I have ever been before. I may be so homesick, but I have never felt more like myself. I will bask in that. I will bask in the promises of the Lord that I am receiving this year.
Love from the humidity and sweat,
Sar
