Don't Blink

I think with the school year coming to a close life gets super intense and everyone tries their hardest to bring up their grades, even if that means being a suck up to the least of our favorite teachers. I think that the future is a scary thing. And the end of the school year really amps up the stress about the future. With this semester especially, life has been a pain in the butt. Life has shown me the true meaning of life- live for NOW. I've learned that I can't wake up in the morning worried about what college I want to attend or what career I want. I've learned that I have to wake up in the morning ready to delight in today and the circumstance I've been given. I've learned that within 90 seconds, my life could change completely and the normal I once knew, is gone forever. In the blink of an eye, my life was changed. In the blink of an eye, I had to grow up and realize that life is no game. It's a reality. Everything is going to happen for a reason, whether it be good or bad, it happens. Lately, God has really put the shooting on my heart and I don't know why. But it's been a constant reminder to me that I can't worry about my future or if I go to heaven or not. I have to delight in the now moments. I might not ever get these moments back. If that's the case, then why do I spend some of my time crying or being angry? Why not wake up every morning thinking that it was my last day to live? Why not take risks and smile all the time? I believe that it's because of fear. I don't take risks and I don't live in the now moments because I fear that it will have repercussions on my life. I fear that if I live in the now moment that I will regret it in the future. But at this point, who cares? Am I right? You only get one life and you have to live it to the fullest. You never know when God is going to call you home. My goal for the rest of the semester is to WAKE UP. To live life and love it. To go out of my way to show love and joy. To finally understand what risks and life is all about. I'm going to live for me. I'm going to live for the Lord. I'm going to live in the now moment because that could be my last.

Overwhelmed

I think it is easy to say, life gets overwhelming and we all wish that there was a rewind or slow down button or pause. Yet, this is not the case. This is not a movie. This is real. Life is written in pen, no erasing the mistakes and memories you've made, no matter how hard you try. There is no replay button on your favorite night, no slow down moment on your childhood years. Life keeps moving and changing even when I don't want it to. I've had to realize that life is going to change and the only way to be okay is to accept defeat, to move on, to be ahead of the curveball. I've had to realize that I'm going to mess up. I'm going to disappoint others. I'm going to do things I wish I never would have. The worst thing is, is that no matter how hard I want to run away from all the pain and bad I've done in my life, God won't let me. He makes me deal with it. He throws it in my face- literally, until I have done what He wants me to. It's overwhelming. Running from all my problems didn't get me anywhere though. All it did was lead me to sleepless nights and harsh feelings about myself. It's even pushed me away from The Lord. As I was driving down University today going towards Cherry Creek mall, I was suddenly overwhelmed by this sense of peace and tranquility. It's not anything I can explain. There was so much that had to be done today, but I stopped speeding and I just began to be content. I was content with where I was, who I was friends with, how much gas was in my car... it was a feeling I wish I could always feel. Yet, as peaceful as I was, sitting here now, there was no peace in that situation. Earlier, I had asked myself, "am I actively pursuing a relationship with the Lord?" Even if I said yes, I knew I would be lying to myself as would the Lord. I've been so caught up and overwhelmed with school, sports, finding a job, money, my boyfriend, I have forgotten about the one thing that truly made it all happen, God the Father. I have pushed Him so far away it feels like He lives on another planet. And it hurts. Yet, the peace in the car was so overwhelming, I knew I had to ask myself that question. It was a slap in the face, but such an amazing wake up call. If I lost everything in this world today that I have been so focused on lately, what would I have to depend on? Really, it would be nothing. I say this because I have pushed God so far away it's so hard to find Him again. Pray friends. Pray that the Lord would restore my heart and that I would find Him, take His truth and hide it in my heart. My prayer for you, as you walk through this week, when you feel overwhelmed, remember to Whom you belong and to Whom holds your future. I know I will. Put your trust in the Lord because He is so redeeming and ultimately the One who brings peace to the restless and hope to the hopeless. Even with God so far away, I will find Him and run to Him. And I won't stop running until I am finally home with the One True King.
Psalm 16:2
"I say to the Lord, 'You are my Lord; apart from you, I have no good thing.'"

God is still good. Even when we are chasing after Him.