My Lighthouse

I'm new to this whole blog thing. I don't know if this will ever be read or if many people will see this. But I'm giving it a shot because I feel like The Lord has told me to do so. a

Today, February 8, 2014, I experienced the Lord in a new light. Today He has set me free entirely and I am so thankful and joyful . A big part of my testimony is the drowning of my friend back in 2010. I was new to this concept of a man who had stepped down from His throne in a magnificent kingdom to come and die on a cross for me. After I had lost my friend Drennen in the summer of 201, I had felt completely lost and alone. I myself, felt like I was drowning in the burdens of this world. A year later on June 24, 2011, I broke down at a YoungLife summer camp and I let Jesus into my heart. Little did I know that He was going to change my world from there on out. Life was so different and it seemed a lot easier with Him, because even when friends and I were fighting, I knew that God was there and that He wasn't going to walk out on me. Eighth grade year, second semester, I went on this high for the Lord. All I wanted to do was talk about Him to everyone I knew, even strangers. Well, being on the Jesus High I was on, God finally broke me. He had shaken up my world and changed me. That was hard. But then going into high school, I was excited and scared all at once. I didn't know what life would be like, but I was sure that it would be so much fun, because everyone "loves" high school. Yet, my freshman year of high school absolutely sucked. All my friends from middle and elementary school had left me, or so I thought. I felt so alone and lost. I knew that I had Jesus, but I really didn't think that Jesus was necessarily for me. Around the spring of 2013, God had said to me that change needed to happen. So change happened. For the thousandth time it seemed, God had broken my heart. And the rebuilding of a road to happiness began again. The summer of 2013 started and ended unlike I had planned. I started the summer off hanging out with one of my best friends and all these boys; but I was so broken. I went away to summer camp in Minnesota. There I got baptized. Everything I think I had ever felt hurt or broken about, God had just lifted off of my shoulders. When I was being baptized, God redeemed my heart and had shown me what true JOY was like. God had overwhelmed my soul like He had done numerous times before. I ended my summer with a heart full of joy and forgiveness. Sophomore year started and I came into the school year with a better attitude and I was so ready to rebuild ruined friendships and to make new friends. As the school year progressed, each day drained me a little more. I felt like I was drowning again. I felt like there was no way out of this never ending cycle of being happy and then sinking. Then, on December 13, 2013, the enemy had stolen everything I had ever worked for; my joy, my redemption, my forgiveness. I was in the Arapahoe High School shooting. I was struck with fear and I had never felt so emotionally and physically drained. It's been almost 2 months since the hell storm happened and it's been a work in progress to regain my joy and steal everything back from the enemy. As this week had ended horribly, I woke up this morning with a new attitude, ready to take on the day, knowing that it was going to be a good one. As campaigners ended, and my leader dropped me off at home, I knew that there was something I needed to do to find my way back to God. I knew that God wasn't going to just leave me on the side of the road, hopeless and dried out. So I sat in my room singing and shouting out at God, until I came across the song, "My Lighthouse", by Rend Collective. I broke down in tears. This was my song. This was God speaking to me. Since the drowning of Drennen is a huge part of my testimony, I knew God was trying to say something to me through this song. I played it over and over and over waiting on God. He spoke. He told me that HE IS MY LIGHTHOUSE. That even when I am sinking, and the darkness overwhelms my soul, HE SEES ME. I have seen so many people get set free since this summer and it was something I wanted and needed in my heart. I have searched for it high and low, and all it took was this one song. JESUS HAS SET ME FREE. Jesus is my lighthouse. And He won't let me drown.