Limited Time

Back in May, I walked across the Littleton Public Schools Stadium and received my high school diploma. Back in May, I was so wishy washy on who I wanted to be and what I wanted for my life. Here I am, two months later, packing up my whole life into boxes and suitcases getting ready to move  onto the next adventure: Boone, North Carolina. If I'm being completely honest, I am scared out of my mind. There are even some nights where I'm wide awake with wheels turning in my head because I have no idea what I have gotten myself into. This summer I have answered the same question over and over and over again, "why North Carolina?" Truthfully, I'm not quite sure. A lot of it has to do with the fact that my mentor and older sister figure, Carlee, suggested I apply to schools in North Carolina. But, I don't think she actually thought I would ever go to school in North Carolina. Low and behold, I am. I think what lured me in the most to the beautiful state, was that I didn't know anyone there; I could recreate the person that I wanted to be.

However, the Lord had completely different plans in store for me this summer. Instead of constantly hanging out with friends and flirting with boys, I have been hanging out with elementary and middle school kids (as their nanny and Wyldlife leader), I have finished two TV shows on Netflix, I have spent countless hours driving to and from the mountains for worship nights with RMR and to spend time with my favorite ranch family (Evelyn and Isaiah and soon to be baby sister), I have spent numerous nights cuddled up next to my mom, and I have spent hours upon hours mediating on the goodness of the Lord. I am baffled at how much has changed in the last two months. I feel like a completely new person. I no longer sulk or sit in my brokenness and pain. I deal with it. I pray about it, I present it to the Lord and then let it go. In the past two months, I have learned how to let go of bitterness and only invite love and peace into my heart. I stopped playing the victim and finally decided to go out and live and love and be who I have wanted to be for so long. I haven't lived off anyone else's schedule but mine. I have up and left and been MIA for days and it feels so good. I am so thankful for this summer, even though it has been the most anxiety filled summer yet. When summer started, I had to decide that I couldn't go back to Uganda in June and July because I didn't raise enough money. I was beyond bummed about it. What made things worse, is my friends and I decided that we weren't going to go on the Lake Powell trip with RMR, which in the end hurt my heart so much. I've been laying low, hoping to find an adventure just around the corner. And that's just what's about to happen...

I have 13 days left in Colorado. 5 of those 13 days will be spent with my wyldlife girls at CCR in Fraser and I am excited about it, but also bummed I'll be missing out on things back home. I have yet to start packing all of my clothes and memories into boxes. I have yet to say most of my goodbyes, but I question if I need to start saying some of them... When will I see you next? I am terrified to say goodbye to my best friends, to my mom and my dad and my brother, my dog, my nana and papa? What if I have already said some of my goodbyes and I just don't know it yet? Have I told the people who mean the most to me that I love them? When will I be back in Colorado? What will everyone's life look like in the next 5 months? With all these questions circling around in my head, I believe that God is teaching me a valuable lesson. Trust. In Him. Just be His.

At night when I can't sleep, I have been reading the book of Hosea and how precious is that book. God has some pretty epic promises in that book, especially for girls. I think the verse that I have been clinging to, throughout the summer of change/loneliness/anxiety, is Hosea 2:14; "Therefore, I am now going to allure he; I will lead her into the wilderness and speak tenderly to her." North Carolina may not exactly be the wilderness, but it sure is a place where I am isolated (only 1,500 miles) away from everything comfortable. The book Redeeming Love comes to mind overtime I read a chapter from Hosea. It's because Redeeming Love is actually based off of Hosea. And in that book, the main character is named Sarah. But her name changes numerous times because she is a harlot, and most of the time her name is Angel. As the story goes on, Angel's husband begins to give her new names, ones that fit her. One of the names he mentions is Tirzah, meaning she is my delight. And after a night of tears and stumbling upon Hosea 2:14, the Lord spoke over me and called me "Tirzah". He was reassuring me that I am His delight. Guys, the Lord is so good.

We have had an amazing summer together, I am learning more and more about Him and His glory. While I only have 13 days left in Littleton, God has so graciously redeemed the vision I once had of it. What once was Shittleton to me, is now good ol' Littleton, full of glory and goodness and silly memories. There is limited time with the people I hold closest to my heart, but the is unlimited time with a God who calls me His, who delights in me, who reveals His glory to me, who loves me. This time is bittersweet and terrifying, but the Lord is good. And I know He will show up in all of my adventures near or far away from the sweet streets of Littleton.

Sara