After the shooting, I had the hardest time with being happy with the circumstances I was in. I had walked out of Arapahoe on the 13th completely defeated. The enemy had stolen all of my joy and I felt like there was no way for me to win it back. Yet, as 2014 started out with a bang, God really tested my heart. God had given me the opportunity to experience life as a typical teenager, and I did. I saw what it was like to be at parties and to see people make horrible choices unconsciously. The after math of it all was even worse. There were rumors and lies about so many good people, and I got caught up in it. I'm not going to lie to you, I love parties. I think they are so fun. I like being around people, even if they are drunk. Hahahah. But I think as the year progressed and as I became more and more enveloped in the partying, I had some curiosity that arose. I wanted to drink and I wanted to smoke. I saw that maybe it wasn't all that bad. I was desperate to find something that would bring me joy, even for the slightest bit. But right when I was falling into the temptations, the Lord swooped me up into His loving and caring arms. The Lord had spoken, and He had made it very clear that the choices I wanted to make, weren't very fulfilling choices. So with that, I started to press back into what God had called me to do; to practice what I preach. And I think for me, that was really good. I didn't want to be seen and known as the girl at Arapahoe who goes out and drinks and smokes and blacks out on a Saturday night and then show up to church the next morning. Don't get me wrong, God loves us all, but I just cringed at the thought of being a major hypocrite. So, as the Lord transitioned me into a life that would please Him again, I slowly felt like I was drowning. I felt like the sea was raging on and it would never be calmed again, it was beyond draining. I just wanted to be happy again. I could tell that there was a major power struggle between the enemy and God while I was sitting in a hurricane. But as each day went by, I found more joy in loving others and spending time with God than I have ever felt in my entire life. I had seen and experienced the joy that going to parties gave me, and I have and still am experiencing the joy that the Lord fills me up with daily. Let me tell ya, being with God and finding joy in Him is so much better than any man made creation. After the shooting, I seriously thought that I was never going to be happy again. I am so proud to say, that after having many sleepless nights and many, many tears, the Lord really has really rocked my world. I have seen so much joy and love be spread around these past three months than I ever have. People that I never even talked to, they are such good friends to me know. People that I never thought I would talk to on a daily basis, are my best friends now. And it's such a blessing. The power struggle is over. God has won and He will continue to win. We were made to be joyful. We were not made to walk around feeling depressed. But I have learned, that even when life sucks, we get to choose if we want to keep being sad, or if we want to turn our frown upside down and find joy! We get to wake up every morning with the choice of happiness or sadness. We get to wake up and get to decide if we want to live in light and truth or darkness and lies. That is the best feeling!! So wake up every morning ready to decide the good, not the bad. We were made for joy!
"Our hearts were made for joy. Our hearts were made to enjoy the One who created them. Too deeply planted to be much affected by the ups and downs of life, this joy is knowing and being known by our Creator. He sets our hearts alight with radiant joy." -Unknown
"If one is joyful, it means that one is faithfully living for God, and that nothing else counts; and if one gives joy to others, one is doing God's work. With joy without and joy within, all is well."
- Janet Erskine Stuart
"Live for today but hold your hands open to tomorrow. Anticipate the future and its changes with joy. There is a seed of God's love in every event, every circumstance, every unpleasant situation in which you may find yourself."
-Barbra Johnson
"Satisfy us in the morning with your unfailing love, that we may sing for joy and be glad all our days."
-Psalm 90:14
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