I've had the best summer of my life. It has been extremely hard and at times, super lonely. But in the midst of a huge storm in my life, I fell completely in love with the Lord. God radically rocked my world this summer. There is no doubt in my mind that He is good.
Four days after I had come home from Uganda, where I spent the best 3 weeks of my life, I was on my way to spend a week in Wyoming backpacking with RMR Backcountry. Honestly, it was the best week of my life. I have never felt the Holy Spirit more intimately than I did this past week. God did so many radical things in my heart. I feel like I have come home a new, and different Sara than I was when I first went to Wyldlife summer camp with my 6th grade girle pies. Without a doubt, July 2015 has been the most faith formative month of my life. I have seen the Lord in all that is happening and changing around me. While I was backpacking, I made so many realizations about myself and I was forced to ask the Lord to physically give me strength to make it to our camp spot for the night. But as I was hiking, I had so much time to walk and think about what my life was going to look like from now and really thinking about what I had learned in Uganda. A huge part of my heart was left in Uganda, I will be going back, someday. RMR really opened my eye to the endless possibilities that God is opening up for me. Right now, it is with the deepest desire in my heart to go back to Uganda and just skip out on my senior year, but that is not where God wants me to be. That was something really hard for me to deal with right when I got home because I didn't want to have to deal with my brokenness in Littleton. But while I was on trail, I realized that Littleton is EXACTLY where I need to be right now; in the midst of my brokenness and putting down roots in my community. This has been a really cool thing for me to learn and grow into in the past 24 hours because coming home I had felt so discouraged in my relationships in Littleton. Uganda rocked my world, but in all honesty, it was preparing the way for what I was about to endure in this past week.
This past week, I was challenged greatly. I had to find strength in the Lord; physically and mentally. It sucked walking for so long and having my feet ache because they were going numb. But that's when the Holy Spirit kept whispering to me: "Press into Me more." It was super cool to hear what Jesus had to say to me. I felt so in touch with God. RMR made me realize that I don't want to be a doctor and I don't want to go to Baylor or UT. I realized that I LOVE people, and I love culture. I think a lot of that realization was heavily influenced from my time in Uganda, which is incredible. So now, I am going into my senior year very unsure of what my future holds, and where I will be going to college, but i's all okay, because I'm not in control of my life anymore: God is. RMR radically changed my life. I have never felt more alive and free than I have in the past week. This week I learned what true love looks like: God is the groom and I am His bride that He cannot wait to be in an intimate relationship with. It's been so cool, because during my solo night (a night where you sleep on your own, it's very safe), the Holy Spirit was my Comforter and my Peace. He romanced my heart and just called me to put it all to rest: my anxiety, my fear, my worry, my doubt, my anger, my bitterness, everything. God asked me to put it all down and look to Him. When I let it all down, when I let down the walls that I had quickly built after my breakup this summer, God just broke me and showed me that He loves more. He loves me more than any man in this world ever will, and that I have forsaken the first true love I once knew. My solo night was a game changer. The Lord called me out of my despair and took my heart and made it whole again. He showed me how good He was and how much He truly loves me. The Holy Spirit had shown me how much my heart was truly invested in Him, and how in love I was with Him. It was the most intimate I have ever been, with anyone. In that moment, I realized that I don't care what else happens to me, because I have fallen deeply in love with Someone who will never leave me or intentionally break my heart. It has been such an incredible awakening to my soul. And because God loves so unconditionally, I know that in His love, there is abundant life and joy and freedom.
RMR was a week to remember, but no words can do justice to what I've experienced in the backcountry. In all honesty, no words will ever be able to describe how good the Lord has been to me this July. I cannot explain to you how FREE and ALIVE and JOYFUL I feel. I have tasted and seen the sweetest of love, and I'm not going to look back.
I'm Free In His Love.
Sara
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