In the past 5 years, Littleton has faced too many tragedy's, unfair ones. Each time, there is always an unconditional and constant outpouring of love. But at what cost does love need to be spread? Death. It's sad how someone dying is what it takes for us to realize that life is so precious and we need to make sure we know what is really important in life. But it's a consistent reminder at this point, that the only thing that matters is Jesus.
It's been hard for me to grasp that in every bad and traumatic event I've dealt with since sixth grade, there has always been an incredible outcome of goodness. I've seen the Lord work in amazing, indescribable ways. It's not the people that are raising millions of dollars to start up foundations, or the numerous candle light vigils we are going to that are making a difference. It's the moment that we feel the Holy Spirit come and sit by us, and weep alongside us. When something bad happens, I tend to blame God and yell at Him. Because He is all knowing, and He knows everything before it happens, it only makes sense that God could stop it too. But sometimes, He doesn't. And as a human, knowing that God can stop death, but won't, sucks. It even makes us question our belief in such a strong love and faith in something we cannot see. Every time I go to a candle light vigil, I am reminded that life is far too precious to mess around with, that relationships and people are important; not things, and to tell everyone you love them; it might be your last time to say that. In the midst of all the chaos, and hurt and anger, we should remember that Jesus feels our pain too, and He is weeping with us.
Growing up in an era where teenagers feel invincible and powerful, is hard. It just is. I am so guilty of feeling invincible all the time. It's like we've been taught to bottle up our feelings and act like nothing hurts us, when we all feel everything so deeply. We were made to hurt. We were made to be angry and to weep until the wee hours of the morning. But we were also made to love and rejoice. When I was in middle school, I would always ask myself, "What do people do in hard times when they don't have Jesus?" And I still ask myself that. I don't know the answer to that question, but I do know the answer to this question, "What do people do in hard times?" People love, and they cling to hope of better days. I, I, I cling to the Lord and know that He is good and that there will be beauty in all of this firey mess right now. It may be hard to see, but I always end up leaning back on knowing that there is goodness and beauty up ahead. Being a teenager, it is hard to admit that I am weak, and that I need help. But that is the most beautiful part of it all, I am weak and I need Jesus.
Right now, Littleton is weak and we need Jesus. We have put on this front that we are strong and that we don't need help. But in reality, we are weak. We have lost all hope. We have become discouraged and are at a point where we don't know if life around here will ever heal. Going to candle light vigils, and crying, and funerals, and hugging one another have become such a present thing in a majority of our lives, and that sucks. Except, every time we reveal our brokenness, we are admitting that we are weak and we NEED something better for us. That something better is Jesus. When I blamed God for taking all these precious people away from my friends and family, at some point, I had to realize that this was not God's own doing. It's the sin in our world that is dragging us all down. Sin is all consuming and we eventually will have to deal with it. But it's not easy to face death without our Refuge or Rock. Littleton is in desperate need of a Savior, the whole world is. We are not invincible.
The past few days, while I have been dealing with grief, I have been constantly reminded that God is good. It doesn't feel like God is good right now because of all the pain we are all feeling, but deep down I know the He is. I feel like I've been given such a sweet opportunity to love on people really well and hard in the past few days, and shine the Lord's light on the brokenness. At the end of the day, we all are given that opportunity. I'm not saying that if we love well and hard, death will no longer be a thing, but there will be a chain reaction that starts and maybe one day, we won't have to frequently go to candle light vigils and funerals. Maybe one day, we will rejoice in the constant celebrations of life and know that they are ALIVE in Christ. Death is no easy thing to face, especially as a lost teenager in high school. But the Lord is good, and He hasn't failed me yet.
So, while my heart is broken and mourning the life of another, I have to keep reminding myself that God is good. And I just have to remember that we are in desperate need, all the time. And I hope you remember that too.
We Need Jesus because He is Good
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