Surrendering All That I Am

So as it turns out, I was not able to blog while I was in Uganda. The summer leader of Come, Let's Dance thought it would be best for me if I wasn't apart of "this" world. And it turns out, that was the best thing for me.

I left Colorado with no expectations of anything being the same when I came home. I left Colorado without any expectations of Uganda. I left Colorado ready to give all that I am to the Lord. When I got to Uganda, I did just that. Everything inside of me felt at peace as soon as I stepped off the plane and smelled the fresh air of Uganda. I had texted close family and friends that I had made it safely to my new home for 3 weeks and disconnected from everything I was bound to here.

3 weeks came and went in the blink of an eye. In those 3 weeks, I spent a majority of my time teaching at a school in the Katanga slums called EMNET. Dylan Johnson, one of my brother's really good friends, has been going to EMNET three days a week every week since he got there in May. EMNET is a school where kids from the slums who WANT to learn can come and get an education for free. It's hard for the kids who show up to actually learn because EMNET only has two teachers for grades kindergarten through grade 5. So how the kids learn is by copying down the board and waiting until the teacher comes and writes something new down on the black board. It's not the best way to learn, because it's just memorizing a bunch of words. So when I went to EMNET with Dylan, I would teach P2 (second grade) and actually run through the curriculum with them. Being a teacher the second graders at the age of 17 is something I had no idea I would ever do, much less qualify for. It was frustrating teaching a class of 9 children that were all at different comprehension levels. If the smartest kid in the class knew the answer, she would shout it out, and then the other kids who had no idea what the answer was, would just echo her. Or if they were trying to do math problems on their own, they would look at their desk partner and ask them for the answer. Which in the end, does not benefit their learning. It was hard to let the kids know that copying one another was not an effective way to learn. I was constantly battling the urge to scream or yell at them because I didn't want to make them feel bad about learning. Towards the end of my time at EMNET, I was reminded that going to the school and teaching them was not about actually making them understand the content they were learning, but to show them what LOVE looked like. It hit me that these kids may not know the true meaning of love or they don't get enough of it at home. Once I realized that, I was humbled and placed back into the reality that I wasn't put here on this earth to condemn and teach students the "right" way, but I was put on this earth to simply love people at their best and at their worst. That realization hit me hard, and I finally let everything I was so frustrated about in the classroom, go. I just didn't care anymore. All that mattered was that I was showing up to teach these kids the best way that I can, but to love them more than anything.

EMNET was not the only school that I was involved with, I also helped out at WCIA, which is the school that CLD actually partners with. WCIA was incredible, the school and the kids house. I loved it so much. The kids house is where all the kids that attend WCIA who board, go back to sleep at and play at during the term. WCIA is great, the teachers and the kids are all so sweet. There isn't much for volunteers to do at WCIA, because they have a full staff and the head mistress, Sherinah, is incredible, but not having to help out much, is a really great problem to have. I didn't really spend much time at WCIA, but rather the kids house. The kids house is so full of life and love. The kids all look after one another like they are one big family. They have such kindness in their hearts and put the other first. There was so much joy in everyone of their hearts because they had no way to be concerned with twitter or facebook or instagram. The kids have less in their life materialistically, but they have so much more than anyone I know. Three girls in particular stole my heart: Janat, Tus, and Favor. These three girls, they brought me so much joy in the midst of feeling completely hopeless in brokenness. Janat had shown me that I was welcome and that I was wanted. Janat had given me the opportunity to love and be loved so much more in return. She had shown me that she genuinely wanted a friendship that was like a sisterhood. I loved that. I was there for a little over two weeks, and she invited me into her heart forever. It was one of the greatest gifts I could've ever been given. Tus and Favor were the silliest little girls I had ever met. They loved on me and played with me and hugged me until my body ached. They let me serve them in the most humbling ways, and it was a blessing. But Tus, Favor, and Janat not only made my heart dance in joy, but every kid at the kids house did that. Especially on Sunday mornings. Sunday mornings, my mom and I would go to kids church at the kids house and have church with the kids and listen to Pastor Sarah. She was INCREDIBLE. Kids church is like nothing I've ever experienced. If you ever want to see kids worship the Lord with such authenticity, I suggest you come to Uganda, because these kids, at the age of 5, sang their heart out and had faith that moved such mountains. They danced and jumped and moshed with one another while they praised our Father at the top of their lungs. It made me realize that I wanted that- I wanted to jump and dance every time I sang about my Father. I left Uganda, leaving my heart with these kids, hoping one day to return and never come back to the states.

But besides actually hanging out with kids and the community at basecamp, there was something inside of me that was stirring up. When I left Colorado, I was broken and lost and confused. I felt like I was drowning in self-pity but also a pool of pain. I was bleeding recklessly and I thought that nothing would ever heal my broken heart. Being without social media for three weeks, seriously changed the person that I am. I no longer had control over what my ex was doing, or what my friends were doing. I had to worry about myself, or so I thought. When I got to Uganda, my world was radically rocked. I learned that in order to have what I really wanted; the Lord, I had to be willing to give up EVERYTHING that I had control over. So in this case, that meant my friends, my safety, my heart, my feelings, my life, literally everything. At first is was super hard, but everyday it got so much easier and I found peace within my heart. Every time I began to worry about social media and the world I had come from, I would find a calming sensation overwhelm my soul and whisper to me "Come to Me, My Beloved." Each time I wanted to wander my own way, He would remind me that I am His and that I was in Uganda because He was calling me there to be with just Him. Let me tell you something, I have never fallen more in love with anyone in 3 weeks than I did with our incredible Creator. I saw the Lord in so many sweet faces, in the sunrises and sunsets, in the lush mountains, and the trash that covered the streets in Katanga. I tasted His goodness in the food that I was eating, in the fresh air that I was breathing and in the tears that fell down my cheeks. God was there and He was good. He had shown me that in the midst of all my brokenness, He has better plans for my life, and I just needed to yield all that I am to Him in order for Him to do His work in my heart. The Lord had shown me that I could be stripped of the most important thing and that I was going to end up okay- one broken heart would not be the end of my life for me. In fact, God had shown me that He is more than I will ever think of Him to be. The hardest part for me was knowing I could come home and chose what my heart really ached for, but that at the end of the day it wouldn't be as life giving, and ultimately end up like it did before I left for Uganda. It is safe to say, that my heart has been wrecked, completely. I am completely broken, and I have no idea of who I am all that much. But knowing that I am a child of the King with no limitations, makes my heart dance in freedom because it means that no matter how broken I am, God can bless me greatly and bring me joy in the midst of all my tears and ashes.

Uganda was life changing, and one blog post does not give it's greatness justice. But I am still processing all the changes and things I have learned there. So don't fret, there will be more to come, but I am still processing the greatness of our Lord and His abundant joy. We serve an amazing God, who is never going to let us walk through darkness alone, because He is going to be the light that shines on us when we need it most.

Tomorrow, I leave to go backpacking for a week in Wyoming, so there I will have more time to process my trip and the joy that I have been given by our Gracious Father.

Sara