Attitude can go a little or a long way, depending on how you approach the situation. I believe that if you go into every situation with an optimistic attitude, you will always have the best outcomes, no matter what.
Senior year has been such a rollercoaster ride for me. There have been days where I walk into school wanting to get off and go home, but then there have been days where I throw my hands up in the air and enjoy every second of it. Each day presents new opportunity and each day I get to choose if I'm going to take risks and chances, or if I'm going to shut down every opportunity I get. It's safe to say, that I'm not happy. I can't really explain it, but I know I'm not. I think a lot of this has to do with the fact that so much is being thrown in my face; boys, football games, parties, WWW- basically everything any high schooler has to deal with. But for me, this year, it's been extremely hard for me to walk away from it all. I want to be in the depth of everything, I want to go to every school event and I want to go to every party and I want to flirt with every boy. It's as simple as this: I want it all. On the days when I do choose to ride the rollercoaster with my hands up in the air, they are the best and I know that God is good. But on the days when I want to get off, it seems like there is no light at the end of the tunnel- that this time of unhappiness will never come to an end. As I sat in church this morning, I questioned myself and the future and what the Lord has for me. I asked Him if CSU was really where I needed to be next year, or if I should be back in Uganda. I asked Him who I was. I asked Him to show me something, anything, to hold onto- to know that it was all worth holding on for. Friends, God did just that.
This morning, God reminded me of His goodness. But it wasn't like anything that I had been reminding myself like, "God is still good here like He was in Uganda, you just can't see it," or "God has promised better, hold out," it was God literally speaking to me saying, "You are not good right now, but I am. And that's enough to be happy." Honestly, it was the thing my heart needed to hear. Everyone has been telling me that it's going to be okay, and that I'm going to be happy again soon, or to let it all go. It's all great advice, but it's not helpful when I am constantly caught up in my emotions.
But because God is good, and He loves me, and He has promised me great things, I will stop crying and being sad and I will lift my hands up to the Heavens and REJOICE! God is crazy good and He will be my strength and my joy. He will be my unending song that I sing. He's a good good Father on the days I want to enjoy the rollercoaster and He's a good good Father when I want to get off. Because the Lord is good, I will stop stressing out over petty things like parties and boys and where I stand at football games. Just because I am a senior does not mean that I'm invincible and it doesn't mean that I need to be in the middle of it all. This week, I have been reminded of the exhaustion that comes along with going to sporting events and then waking up for school the next morning. I have been reminded that Jesus is the only thing that is every really going to satisfy my heart, not even being a part of every single event this year can do that.
There is life after high school and there is happiness after heart break. I think that right now, for me, everything seems so big and I need immerse myself in it all so I don't have any regrets. But, in nine short months, I will be done with high school and I will be onto the next adventure. High school will be in the rearview mirror and I will only have memories and friendships to hold onto. In all honesty though, whoever said high school is the best four years of your life, lied. Because, it's not. Sure, there are times when it's really awesome. But looking at three years passing by, it's just a phase of life where an instagram post starts drama, or homecoming dates are stressful, and the ACT determines your future. If you're going to let one chapter of four years of your life be "the best", then I feel sorry for you. There is a world full of opportunity out there, dying to be awakened and to be explored and rooted in. With that though, here's to the best four years of my teenage life. To the nights I spent tp'ing boys at three in the morning, to the awkward pictures taken for dances, to the days where you are too tired to function, to the nights you drove all around playing hostage because you just got your license. Here's to the class periods where the class clown was relentless and drove the teacher crazy, or to days where you counted down the minutes of sixth hour waiting for the big game that night, or t the moments where you thought nothing could be more perfect. High school, it's the perfect ending to our childhood, where we gain much more responsibility.
Senior year: the final year where you stress out about college, you fight like crazy with your parents, and you make every moment the best with your friends. This is the year where I get to say goodbye to kids I have never known and kids that I have known my whole life. The year where I get the choice to be happy and to walk away from Arapahoe with millions of friends, if I choose to say yes. What a rollercoaster it has been for me. But today, I'm choosing to finally live by Augustus Waters' saying: "I'm on a rollercoaster that only goes up." I know that it is cheesy, but I think it's finally time for me to stop stressing and worrying and being sad, and enjoy life the way God intended me to. And friends, I am so excited for it all.
So as I take a step back, and re-evaluate my sadness, I will remind myself that this life is good and that God is good, even if I am not okay. I will cling to the freedom and joy and love and peace that I found this past summer, and I will remind myself of the joy and abundant blessings that are to come. There is life after high school, and it's all going to be so good.
Attitude is the game changer. Life is good and God is good. So REJOICE and praise Him because He is a good good Father.
Sara
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